Helping a friend face cancer

Wednesday afternoon I had a call from a friend of mine--she's a lovely person, a creative professional who knew Alan for a long time and who befriended me when we began our relationship. We were close throughout my married life and she was incredible when Alan was sick and when he died. She did so much for us, and never flinched in the face of some awful things.

She called me to tell me that she has cancer. Two kinds of breast cancer. Very scary stuff. She's had surgery and just started radiation yesterday.

I felt frozen during the call. Then she told me that she'd dreamed that Alan and I took her to the movies and he told her that she would be fine. I hope that's true. And then I jumped into action and made plans for lunch with her yesterday. I took her one of Alan's photographs, matted with his signature on it, and listened to her while she told me that she'd be fine and held her hands while she cried over lunch saying how scared she was.

We spent 2.5 hours together, and I can't say it helped my anxiety :-) but it did feel good to give back to someone who has given so much to us. I'm terrified for her, though, and it brought back so much awful fear of the unknown.

I can't be more philosophical about this right now... I'm fearful for her. It's a bad diagnosis and it doesn't sound like she's getting the wisest treatment. I pressed upon her how important a second opinion is. I will wonder all my days whether that would have made a difference for us or whether the cards were dealt from the beginning.