Well, as you all know by now, the Major is back in town. Yesterday I spent the day with Caroline & Co. at Smuggs (a good time was had by all). Being that Smuggs is in the middle of no man's land, I didn't have cell reception. When I arrived back on my mountain, the Major had called and left a message that he was "checking in" and to call back "anytime." It's Sabine's weekend off and I had my hands full with the kids. I didn't call back.
In THREE HOURS he called 3x and left two messages. I put the girls to bed (finally!) and called him back. Kept it light and friendly etc..... he joked how if I was lucky he'd swing by Charleston after I got settled (I didn't say anything to that) and then he asked, so how was your week? I dropped the bomb: "Oh, you'll never guess who called me - Jason". "What did he say? What did he want?" The Major asked. "I don't know," I replied, "I hung up on him. I had nothing to say."
"Do you want to get back together with him?" he asked me. "No, I'm done. He had his one shot and he blew it." I went on to tell him how I felt betrayed by Jason ingratiating himself with my kids, and then freaking out about it. How I have little tolerance for weakness (in myself or others) and that if I had terminal cancer Jason wouldn't be the kind of person who could see me through, and I don't have time for people like that.
This spiraled into a conversation about how people call to apologize to make THEMSELVES feel better, not you; that every action has a consequence. The Major said, "Well, that's one thing about you - one always know where you stand with you. You don't play games." "No I don't," I said, "and I follow through."
The conversation ended with him saying, "well, I'll give you a call in a couple of days." "OK, I said, get some rest." And that was that.
And so now I'm feeling guilty today - was I wrong to tell him about Jason??? Was I wrong to be such a hard ass?? I'm sick of hiding things from him. I've been in a "take no crap" mode these past couple of weeks and I'm so damn tired of all this relationship angst.
6 comments:
Honestly ,Constance, I cringed a little when I saw that you told Tim about Jason's call. Was it to make him jealous? Or to bring up some things that you want to discuss with him like having integrity in his dealings with your kids? I would imagine it left Tim feeling a little unsettled.
I hope my response doesn't upset you.
Thanks for the quick response! I don't know, I think it was combination of a lot of things: to make him jealous, the integrity issue with my girls, the whole "buddy" thing (OK, so if you're my bud, then I can tell you things like this, right?), "I'll only give you one shot, so don't f*ck this up" (i.e. learn from your predecessor), and just plain old feeling tired and bitchy. I don't know.
I'm not happy by my behavior, and feeling unsettled as well....
Sorry that I didn't get to read the blog until this AM. We didn't get back from our mini family reunion until midnight.
I agree with what Karen said but wanted to add that I don't know how much the Major knew about Jason in the first place. Maybe that he'd been your first relationship after Charlie died, but did he know the scoop on how things went or did you fill in the blanks all in one swoop last night?
It doesn't sound like the Major was upset about hearing what you told him, so I don't think you really need to beat yourself up about what was discussed. It's out there and you can't take it back and everything that was discussed are heavy-duty issues with you so I think it's just as well to have them aired.
What's it like being in demand by numerous men? The only men who call me want to sell me timeshares.
Hope you won't overdo the thinking on this. I don't think it sounds like such a bad conversation. But when you talk again, you can focus on yourself and the Major rather than other men who don't matter anymore.
By the way, based on your last face to face interactions with Tim I doubt that he thinks of you as a "bud"!
Thanks for the feedback ladies. I slept on in last night and woke up this morning feeling better: I didn't say anything to the Major that wasn't true, and was being honest about the way I felt, etc... (even if it was harsh). The Major knew of Jason, knew we had broken up, but I had not previously told him what had happened. I guess it was good to clear the air (at least from my perspective!) :-)
Oh Karen, you are too funny!!!
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