My Baby Turns 16

Alex turns 16 tomorrow. He came into this world angry and unsettled. He found no comfort at my breast and raged into the night. Jeff would look at me, smile and say "I understand him. I was him. Follow me , I know the way". When Alex was a disagreeable toddler Jeff encouraged me to love him more. To hug him harder , fiercer and longer. He needs to know that he's safe in the world his father implored. And over the years Alex matured and developed a voice to explain his daily frustrations, an outlet on the field and on the rink to express himself. He and Jeff had a deep understanding of their collective strengths and weaknesses (and learned that golfing together wasn't the best place to bond ). They loved eachother fiercely. Then came the day in late July 2005 when I had to drive to Norwich, pull Alex out of hockey camp to tell him that Jeff was going to die. It was at that instant that his childhood ended. He understood right away that there were no adequate follow-up questions. I took him home with me to spend the last few days of his dad's life togther as a family. It was hard for Alex to stay in the house because everyone's emotions were so raw. How can a 13 year old boy possibly process the end of life? And so when Jeff called Alex to him the night before he died, Jeff knew that the weight was too much for his son to bear. Rather than impart a lifetime of wisdom, he held him close and told him to always "play his best".
For 2 1/2 years, I've been without my compass and Alex has been without his hero. How Jeff would have reveled at the sight of his son towering over him, surpassing him in height and strength. The depth and breath of Alex's scars reveal themselves slowly over time but I imagine it will be the special woman in his life who will eventually mend his heart. To the beautiful boy who makes my heart skip when I see him walk out of school each day I say "Happy, happy Birthday".