Today I received yet ANOTHER friend request on Facebook. No, it was not from another old boyfriend, but from a woman whom Charlie used to be friends with during High School. Her name is Christi McGee and Charlie and she remained friends from High School through college and into our Fort Bragg days together. We were good friends. After we got married, we lost touch with her and I didn't see her again until the wake.
Out of the blue she friends me on Facebook and writes ""Hi Constance. I often think of you and your girls. Hope all is well." REALLY????? Because it's been FOUR YEARS and I haven't heard a ONE DAMN WORD from you since Charlie's wake. Even then, you didn't say more than 5 words to me.
I know people don't know what to say, feel uncomfortable with death, and so they say/do nothing. But I can't tell you how ANGRY it makes me when all of the sudden they reappear and somehow think that's OK. Because it's not.
Do you know there isn't a single person now in my girls' lives that knew Charlie B.C (Before Con)? Not one of his f*ing friends from High School or College or Work are in their lives. Have showed any interest in us or them since Charlie died. There are entire parts of my husband's life that I can't tell my girls about. I only knew him 7 of his 31 years. That's 24 years completely unaccounted for. And especially the formative years - the years of H.S. and college. It makes me very sad. There are so many things about their Dad that I won't be able to answer for them.
I have been giving serious reconsideration to changing their names. I know my parents are against it, but other - and now I'm being purely scientific - than Charlie's genetic material, the girls have been raised completely by me as St. Germains. They have little to no contact with his side of the family (thank God!). There are two things keeping me causing me to hesitate: (1) my Dad; and (2) I am afraid that Charlie would view it as some sort of betrayal. He was always ticked that I never entirely gave up St. Germain for Driscoll.
I'm still mulling this idea over. I feel if I do it, I should do it soon, before the girls get any older.
Oh, and by the way, I ignored Christi's friend request......
Out of the blue she friends me on Facebook and writes ""Hi Constance. I often think of you and your girls. Hope all is well." REALLY????? Because it's been FOUR YEARS and I haven't heard a ONE DAMN WORD from you since Charlie's wake. Even then, you didn't say more than 5 words to me.
I know people don't know what to say, feel uncomfortable with death, and so they say/do nothing. But I can't tell you how ANGRY it makes me when all of the sudden they reappear and somehow think that's OK. Because it's not.
Do you know there isn't a single person now in my girls' lives that knew Charlie B.C (Before Con)? Not one of his f*ing friends from High School or College or Work are in their lives. Have showed any interest in us or them since Charlie died. There are entire parts of my husband's life that I can't tell my girls about. I only knew him 7 of his 31 years. That's 24 years completely unaccounted for. And especially the formative years - the years of H.S. and college. It makes me very sad. There are so many things about their Dad that I won't be able to answer for them.
I have been giving serious reconsideration to changing their names. I know my parents are against it, but other - and now I'm being purely scientific - than Charlie's genetic material, the girls have been raised completely by me as St. Germains. They have little to no contact with his side of the family (thank God!). There are two things keeping me causing me to hesitate: (1) my Dad; and (2) I am afraid that Charlie would view it as some sort of betrayal. He was always ticked that I never entirely gave up St. Germain for Driscoll.
I'm still mulling this idea over. I feel if I do it, I should do it soon, before the girls get any older.
Oh, and by the way, I ignored Christi's friend request......
3 comments:
I'm sorry there's yet another hurt. I've had people I thought I could count on let me down. Including when D was still sick. K2's Godparents insisted that they were there for us for eternity. But when I would call while D was needing ER care and would they take K2 while I drove him, I would get, "But we were just helping the kids with their homework!" As if D and I were scamming free childcare so we could go eat oysters and dance on tabletops. Or "But we were sort of thinking of going out to dinner." So they'd end up doing it but they HAD to let us know that we were interrupting a possible plan. They HAD to do the guilt thing. It was hard enough to let people into our lives. We had waited till we could no longer manage it all ourselves. Giving up our self-reliance was nearly the hardest thing we'd faced...at that point, we knew life would never be the same.
They had sworn to be with us every step of the way...until it got inconvenient. I finally figured out that it was all for show. Even now, they're rarely in touch with K2.
There have been others too but I figure it's their loss, not ours.
Re: the last name. I just love seeing Denis' last name when the kids have written their first and last names on their papers. Or call themselves by their whole names. It just links them to him over and over and it makes me happy. But that's something you need to work out...it's entirely personal. I don't have his family or anybody else to consider in this...just us, so I'm in a different situation from you.
I also have huge gaps from before I was in his life...nobody is around to fill them in.
In other news:
We miss you and your wonderful girls!!!!
I know exactly what you mean. A number of people promised to be in E & A's lives after Jeff died and haven't been heard from since. I have had many angry moments as well. However, I always try to think about intent. Did they mean to hurt us? I don't think so. Usually it's just that people get caught up in their own lives. Then, when they think of us, they don't know what to do. I've had a number of people tell me that they wanted to send a note to me or the kids but were afraid to bring up something unpleasant. As if he's not on our minds already!
I know, but how much can we excuse bad behavior? This is something HUGE, not something like using the wrong fork.
Post a Comment